Return to Radiance with Danielle Venables

106. WHY You're Not Seeing the Results You Want (And What You're Subconsciously Manifesting Instead)

• Danielle Venables • Episode 106

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Transforming your reality begins with a deceptively simple shift: being intentional about where you source your information and advice. 

We often default to whatever resources are most readily available – Facebook groups, friends, or family – without questioning if these sources actually align with our desires. This creates a self-reinforcing cycle where limiting beliefs get strengthened rather than challenged.

Consider what happens when a woman seeking a natural birth asks about pain in a conventional forum. She's immediately flooded with "I wanted that too, but..." stories that reshape her expectations before she's had her own experience. The anticipation itself creates tension, which intensifies pain – exactly like bracing before an elastic band snap hurts more than a surprise snap.

The solution isn't positive thinking or denial – it's strategic resourcing. Want a blissful birth? Seek women who've had one. Dream of financial freedom? Connect with people who've achieved it. Desire a balanced business? Find entrepreneurs who've built success without burnout. These encounters create what I call "the crack of possibility" – that moment when your mind opens to "What if it doesn't have to be this way?"

This approach transformed my own birth experience. By researching physiological birth and listening to women with positive stories, I created space for my own blissful experience. During labor, instead of anticipating increasing pain, I wondered, "What if it doesn't get more intense?" That question allowed my body to soften rather than tense.

Ready to transform your reality? Start by examining your information sources. Are they reinforcing limitations or expanding possibilities? The quality of your questions determines the quality of your life. What will you ask today?

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Speaker 1:

Hello, hello, hello. I am just coming on live today because I saw something on Facebook that kind of made me. It gave me something to say, right? So, for those of you who don't know, I'm a generator, so I respond to things. Right, I see something and I respond to it, and that is a major like fuel for my inspiration and stuff. And so I wanted to come talk about this with you because I think it's something that's so simple that can start to shift your reality and your relationship with yourself. It's so fundamental, it is so easy, it is such a simple shift that you can implement in your life, but it can yield huge results.

Speaker 1:

So a little bit of context the post that I saw that inspired this was in like a mom's Facebook group, and it basically said like you know, I really want a natural birth. I don't want an epidural, I want it to be like super empowering and whatever, but like real talk. How bad is the pain? And all of these women I was like reading through the comments and all of these women were like, oh, like, I wanted that too, but it was excruciating. Or I wanted that too, but my labor stalled and I had to do this and that, and then Pitocin and whatever right, it was like all of these stories of women basically providing the poster with evidence of why she couldn't have what she wanted.

Speaker 1:

And this is a common mistake that a lot of us make. Right, we go to the resources that we have, whether that's a mom group, an entrepreneur group, a coach, a friend, our husbands right, we go to the resources that we have access to. But where we fall a little bit short is that we don't really think about the resources. Like we, we default to the resources we have. We don't think about, okay, what do I want and how do I find the solution? We just go and we ask whatever's available to us or whoever's available to us, and then we accept that as reality.

Speaker 1:

And so I left a comment on this post and I said you know, there's a lot of a lot of women sharing their experiences and, honestly, it kind of breaks my heart because you have a desire and you have like a calling to something, and all of these people are sharing their perspectives and stuff, which are valid. They're their lived experiences, right, but it doesn't have to be that way and they're shifting your perspective, right? This is a woman who's never given birth in her life, and so they are forming her perspective. They are forming her experience, which is confirming what's already generally accepted in the world, in society, right, and that is forming her expectation now of what birth is going to be like. So what's going to happen? She is going to tense up, she is going to be stressed, she's going to be anticipating the pain. And I don't know about you, but, like you know, when somebody is like holding an elastic band and you know they're going to snap it against you, and you're like bracing for it and you're tensing and you're like, oh, like you're anticipating that pain, right, and that makes it hurt more than if someone just walks up and surprises you and snaps you with an elastic band, right, and it's because you're anticipating, you're braced Hi Ashley, how's it going? And so what I want to encourage you to do if you want to change the results that you're getting in life, if you want to change your reality, right, there's a reason that successful people say you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with, and it's because when we're not defaulting to people who are just going with the flow, who are just letting life happen to them, who are just victims of their circumstances, when we start to seek out the resources for the experience that we want, right, in this case, this woman.

Speaker 1:

What I encouraged her to do is, I said, go research physiological birth and the way that your hormones in your body actually support the birth process. Because fun fact we actually have hormones that numb the pain, that give us like a blissful kind of floaty feeling, when these hormones are not being interrupted by intervention. That's a whole story for another time. But I was like go research that their time. But I was like go research that. Go find communities, facebook pages or Instagram pages, blogs, books, whatever from women who have had blissful births, from women who have had ecstatic births.

Speaker 1:

Right, because if that's the experience you're wanting to have, if you're wanting to have a natural and pain-free birth, you need to go fill your mind and your awareness with the possibility. Again, it's not about convincing you and, as someone who's had a blissful birth, right, I was not gripping to this idea of, oh, it's not going to hurt, right, because I had given birth twice before and I had epidurals for both. Right, so it's not about trying to trick your mind into, well, it's not going to happen. Or like, oh, it's not painful and there's a way to just like, make the pain go away right, because your subconscious is not going to get on board with that. But when you start to listen to women who have had blissful births, who have had pain-free births and I'm using birth as an example, but this applies to entrepreneurship too right, this applies to manifestation, it applies to whatever reality you're wanting to call into your existence Seek out the people who have those experiences, who have done it and who have, like, genuinely lived it.

Speaker 1:

Right, because their words and their voices are going to open up your subconscious to the possibility that, hey, maybe birth actually doesn't have to be excruciating. And it's that little crack, it's that opening of possibility my dog's about to bark. It's that opening of possibility in your subconscious that is challenging the beliefs that you've been fed. Right, it's challenging the generally accepted view of whether that's birth and pain, whether that's money, whether that's entrepreneurship, right, it's challenging that. And it's creating that little crack of like maybe there's a possibility. It doesn't have to be that way. And if you start to ask yourself what if it didn't have to be that way, all of a sudden your mind instead of resisting what you're trying to force feed it, right? It's not, oh, it's not going to be painful, it's not whatever. It's like. What if it didn't have to be? And how can I find out more about that? I'm just going to let my dog go and in doing that, you are finding solutions, you are finding different resources and you can do this intentionally, right. You can find different resources of lived experiences that vary from what society accepted, what you currently believe right, and that's going to expand you into the possibility of maybe it doesn't have to be like this. So all of that to say, my little takeaway here is start to be really intentional about where you are resourcing yourself.

Speaker 1:

If you want to make money super easily, then don't go to the person with the money struggles. I mean, that one's pretty obvious. If you want, you know, to travel or to pack up your family and leave your country, hello. But if you're your family and leave your country, hello. But if you're wanting to like, leave your country and go live somewhere else, don't surround yourself by people who are too scared to do it. Go find the expat communities. Go find the people who moved their families to Mexico. Hello, christina Whiteley, if you were on here, hi. But right, like, surround yourself with the people who have done it, the people who have those experiences, the people who walked through the fire and figured out a way. And you know they did that by saying what if it was possible? What if I stopped telling myself that that can't happen or that that's not realistic. They went for it.

Speaker 1:

So that's my advice to you is like be really intentional about where you are resourcing yourself. Talk to the women like me who have had successful home births without medical intervention and who have had blissful births. Right, If that's what you want, start getting in the room with people who have what you want. If you are wanting a passive income stream, but oh, it can't be that good, it can't be that easy Start to surround yourself with people who have made those opportunities manifest in their life and ask them about it and talk to them about it. Right, it gets to be easy. Start talking to the entrepreneurs who aren't stuck to their laptop all day, who aren't, you know, successful at all costs up all day, who aren't, you know, successful at all costs, you know. Start talking to the people who built slowly and intentionally, if you don't want to be stuck in this like hustle and grind and smoke and mirrors of the coaching industry, for example. Start finding the people who are actually going to be resources to you, who are actually going to open up your mind to the possibility that there is another way, because there is.

Speaker 1:

We live yes, we live in a three-dimensional world, and so there are certain, maybe, limitations, but we're also at a point in the world where things are shifting and transforming and the more rooted we can be in our priorities, in what matters to us, in our desires, that is what's going to guide us towards where we ultimately want to go and where we want to be and the reality we want to live in, and that's actually helping in the ascension process. That's making it easier to manifest those things in the future, because you are resourcing yourself, going for it, not just saying, oh well, that's not real life, so I can't have that, or it's probably a scam if someone's saying that you can have that. Right, I've seen that so much on Yolanda Norris Clark's Instagram. Right, if you don't know her, she's like huge in the free birth world, the unmedicated birth world. She has a book called Portal about orgasmic birth.

Speaker 1:

Now I'm going to tell you straight up my birth wasn't orgasmic. But what I did is I read her book and I expanded my mind. And then again, through my own labor, as I was birthing my son at home, I was like what if it didn't have to get more intense than this? Like I was like at a place where I'm like this is manageable, what if it didn't have to get worse? And that mindset, that question, is what allowed my mind and my body to soften, to actually manifest that experience, my blissful birth, right. So I hope that makes sense. I feel like it was a little bit all over the place, because I was trying to tie together and not just talk about birth, because it's not just about birth, it was just inspired by birth.

Speaker 1:

But that's really the solution is like pay attention to your resources, pay attention to where or who you're asking the questions to, and also make sure that you're asking the right questions, right? It's not what should I brace myself for? The right question would be how do I break out of this? Or like I'm believing this right now, how do I, how do I shift that Like what's actually possible? Can you share if you've had an experience and then set the minimum threshold for what you're willing to tolerate, right. So in the birth example, this is just the easiest, easiest thing that I keep coming back to. But in the birth example, right, it's not. Oh, is birth really going to hurt that bad? Like, should I prep for an epidural? Right? That's a, that's a low consciousness that is opening the door for every single person who has ever had an epidural, everyone who has felt like they've needed to be saved by from birth, by the medical, you know institution.

Speaker 1:

Instead, start asking the question of I really want a blissful birth, I want a birth at home or I want whatever right Like, who, who has done this? Or what resources are you accessing? Or you know, if you had an experience like this, set those parameters right. If you had an experience like this that meets the desire that you have, can you share how you prepared for it? Can you share your experience? Can you tell me your story? Can you share how you prepared for it? Can you share your experience? Can you tell me your story? Can you link me to a podcast that changed your life?

Speaker 1:

Right, this is how we resource ourselves to start to create change in a very like, grounded way, and if you know me and you've been around for a while. I'm not about the whole airy fairy act, as, if you know, gaslight yourself into a new reality Like that is not my thing, and so I'm trying to give you like real, tangible, usable things that you can take and you can use and you can implement to actually change your life. Just like Ashley said, hashtag, real talk. So that's what I've got for you today. I'm going to start to try to do some more lives. So if you have any like topic ideas or anything you want me to riff on, or any feedback or anything, again, I'm a generator, so I thrive off of that stuff. Right, I would love to just keep responding to things as opposed to pulling topics out of my own ass, but that's what I've got for you today. I hope you have a fantastic Saturday and an amazing weekend and I'll