Return to Radiance with Danielle Venables

097. Digital Detox: Conscious Parenting in a Tech-Saturated World

• Danielle Venables • Episode 97

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Raising children in today's hyper-connected world presents challenges previous generations never faced. How do we balance providing our kids access to necessary technology while protecting their developing minds from digital dependence?

My family's journey began with a strong intuitive resistance to touchscreen technology when my oldest was just a baby. I wanted his neural framework developing through interaction with physical toys and nature rather than swiping screens. For years this conservative approach worked well, but as he entered his preteen years and technology became unavoidable in schools and social circles, we needed to evolve.

What's consistently guided our technology decisions is the unmistakable behavioral patterns I've observed. After screen time, my children display decreased creativity, increased complaints of boredom, resistance to helping around the house, and general irritability. During our technology "reset weeks," I watch their natural sparkle return - they build forts, draw comics, play outside, and even voluntarily help with chores. This stark contrast reinforces our commitment to conscious technology boundaries.

Rather than just being the parent who says no, I've found tremendous value in having emotionally intelligent conversations about what we observe together. These discussions outside moments of conflict help my children understand the bigger picture and recognize their own patterns with technology. By modeling healthy tech habits ourselves and explaining our reasoning, we're teaching awareness that will serve them into adulthood when they're making their own choices.

Every family must find their unique balance between digital reality and conscious parenting ideals. Trust your observations, follow your intuition, and remember that as parents, we're laying the foundation for our children's lifelong relationship with technology. What boundaries have you set in your home? How have you seen technology impact your children's behavior and creativity?


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Speaker 1:

In a world full of technology and video games and internet connection and all of the things that our kids are being exposed to at this point in time. I am coming at you here this week on the Return to Radiance podcast to talk to you about the way that my family has navigated conscious parenting in the digital age. So I'm going to go through a little bit about sort of my intuitive journey, as well as some of the struggles that we've had and some of the challenges that we've faced in having maybe a little bit of an all or nothing perspective, learning when to loosen the grip, also acknowledging the behaviors and things that you notice when you're giving your kids a little bit too much, and how we've navigated that and how we continue to navigate that in 2025. So for those of you who are new here, hello and welcome. My name is Danielle Venables. I am an Akashic guide, spiritual mentor, spiritual midwife, um doing radical birthkeeping work on this planet, and also an author of a beautiful Oracle deck that is hitting bookshelves this fall. So make sure you check the description to find the link to pre-order your copy of the seeds of light oracle deck.

Speaker 1:

And I wanted to bring this topic forward because it is something that I have discussed with almost every parent that I have talked to one-on-one and you know grandparents and things like that like my parents and other members of that generation coming to me and saying, wow, like what a tough thing to navigate and what a foreign thing, like we didn't have to really deal with that when you were a kid. And here you are with all of these extra challenges over and above the already challenging journey of being a parent, especially of being a conscious, emotionally attuned parent. So I'm going to rewind. I'm going to take you back about 1011 years ago, when my oldest was sort of coming to be about a year old and it was already pretty normal for kids to have iPads or kids to play on their parents iPads probably not quite as rampant as it is today, but this was back in 2014 or so, and even some of my own family members didn't understand why I was so reserved or why I didn't want my kid exposed to touchscreen technology and I was never a parent who was absolutely no TV or anything like that but for some reason I had a hard line when it came to interacting digitally, right, even if the game itself is safe and all of that. I did not want my kids neural framework to be based off of interacting with a touchscreen. I wanted it to be interacting with physical toys, interacting with the outdoors. And when I look back now through my lens today, I can say that it was an intuitive nudge. But at the time what I would use to justify it was well, steve Jobs doesn't give his kids iPads and you know he is the owner of Apple or was the owner, founder of Apple. So if he's not giving his kids iPads, that's probably for a reason. He probably knows something that we don't. So that was the beginning of the foundation of my relationship with technology.

Speaker 1:

With regards to my kids and stuff, I always had a bit of a different view and that often got a lot of pushback from people who didn't understand or thought I was overreacting or thought I was being overbearing or difficult. But at the end of the day, I just also didn't see the big deal. I didn't see how a one year old could possibly be missing out by not getting to play on an iPad. So that conservative view towards technology continued on throughout his life. It continued on after having his little sister and eventually his little brother.

Speaker 1:

And now we are here in a place where I am parenting an 11 year old, a five year old, almost six year old and a one year old right, and this approach over the last few years with my oldest has not really been working For one. It is everywhere in school. So unless you are homeschooling, there is no way to keep your kids off of devices. They have iPads, they have. You know. There's kids in public school who already have phones, who already have iPads, who are bringing them to school and they're playing on the bus and things like that. Um, so it became impossible to completely shelter him from them Not that that was my sole intent, but I did want to limit it and it also became unrealistic in today's world to not start to teach him the appropriate uses, appropriate time boundaries and different things like that.

Speaker 1:

So the last probably two or so years, my husband and I have had to evolve and start dipping our toes into okay, what does technology use really look like in our home? And this might shock you a little bit, um, when I actually tell you the devices that my kid has access to today, keeping in mind this is my oldest and, um, the other two have quite a bit less uh, which is a whole struggle on its own, especially when the five-year-old doesn't understand why she can't behave like an 11 year old, et cetera. Um, but I want to just like back it up to the behaviors, and this is something that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been so conservative with technology out of the gate. But what I noticed is that there was a direct correlation between screen time and overstimulated, out of control, just very difficult to navigate behavior like low mood, lack of creativity, complaining, complaining that they're bored and there's nothing to do.

Speaker 1:

Um, so in a typical day when there was really very limited to no screen time in my home, um, you know my oldest. He would go play Lego. He would go play outside. He would build a fort outside. He would jump on the trampoline, he would kick a soccer ball around. Um, he would make a fort outside. He would jump on the trampoline, he would kick a soccer ball around. He would make a comic book. He, you know, would color and draw or ask me to print off like math worksheets, because he is pretty academically inclined and so he liked to challenge himself with math worksheets. You know, he would do all of those things. He would find these ways to entertain himself that were wholesome, that kept him busy during the day.

Speaker 1:

And when we started to introduce technology, I noticed a significant shift in that creative energy, in that ability to be bored or that ability to find things to do in the face of being bored. I noticed a direct correlation between attitude, willingness to help out around the house, willingness to entertain themselves with other activities more creative, more productive activities and um and screen time, right, um, and even when I would limit it to a certain number of hours or even a half an hour a day, I would notice a difference. And even if they would do a couple of days back to back and um, then there would be a difference in behavior and attitude, in how they were showing up within the family and their overall willingness to participate in life outside of digitally. Right, and so being really aware of those things. I mean, those had been affirmed to me when they were younger as well, but it was easier to crack down on it back when they were younger, right.

Speaker 1:

But again, now that I've got a preteen, there's a part of me that had to get really real about, like, this is the world that we live in and you know they do go to public school and we don't live off the grid and like it's. It's not reasonable to expect him to go completely without when everybody else is using it right as much as I would love to have that be the case. And so I've just been really like tuned in and aware of these behaviors and tuned into when they're flaring up and when attitude is becoming a problem, and we just have a mutual understanding that if it becomes too much or if the attitude slides too much, then we'll do a week reset where there will be nothing and we just we detox and we start over. And I'm not going to lie to you and say that he's a huge fan of that or that he loves it. And my middle daughter either, like you know, she's not a huge fan of going completely screen free. But at the same time, within that week, I notice their sparkle start to come back. I notice them becoming more helpful again.

Speaker 1:

You know, there are literally times where my son will be like I'm bored, can I clean the kitchen? And I'm like, absolutely, please do Right. So, um, not that I am like punishing my kids without technology to get them to clean, but it's just that's the stuff that they come up with, they become more productive, um, and more resourceful for how to entertain themselves, and sometimes that looks like cleaning the kitchen. And so if you're finding yourself in this position where you are not thrilled about the dynamics with technology in your home, or if you're finding that your kids seem kind of creatively blocked or uninspired or wanting to numb out, oh, the other thing that I was noticing was like when they would have a bad day at school, then it would be a desire to reach for that and use that to cope um, and that's something that is pretty normal and pretty natural, but it's not something that I wanted them to become dependent on. To cope with a bad day, right, that's no better than mom or dad coming home at the end of a work day and having a drink to relax, right.

Speaker 1:

So I wanted to like be really aware of that, and so I've had to model to these kids how to um exist right, how to cope with life, how to show up in different ways and not just be glued to technology. And that's something that I've had to become really conscientious about, in part because I work from my phone, um, and you know it's really easy to get sucked into all the things that I have to do on the computer or on the, on the phone or, you know, recording podcasts, different things like that but also spending time on social media and where I was maybe numbing out in that way as well, and I had to become really aware of that and take charge of those behaviors for myself and those habits for myself, which is why I took a three month hiatus from social media at the start of 2025 as well, to get my own creative force back and to get my own inspiration back and also just to get my love for coaching and helping people back, because social media was not helping me with that either. But all of that to say, like, we are our kids biggest role models, right? So in order to expect that our kids are going to be okay with taking breaks and, um, you know, having reset, weeks off and different things like that, and that they're going to manage that properly even as they get older, right, cause there will come a day where I will not be able to tell my son, okay, we're going to take a week off, um, and so by modeling those things and also supporting him in implementing those things now and seeing how much better he can feel and how much better I feel, and all of that. They're learning how to be more conscious of it as they go into their teen years and early adulthood and beyond.

Speaker 1:

Right, the other thing that has really helped us cultivate just a greater awareness of it and greater consciousness around the use of technology. And this might surprise some of you, um, but I have actually had some amazing, like emotionally intelligent conversations with my 11 year old that have um helped him see what I see. Right, it's a little bit harder to get through to him when we are like in it, like when he's upset with me because I've taken it away, or, um, you know, whatever, whatever's going on there when he like wants it, and I'm saying no, or you know that kind of thing. But there are other moments outside of those times that I can turn into teachable moments where I can show him, you know, whether it's the way that his little sister's acting.

Speaker 1:

Or you know another, another kid you know, like when we do playdates and things like that, and there's a kid that's just crying and crying and crying at his mom because he wants the iPad instead of interacting with my kids and playing, and you know the whole reason that we were there, right, I can, I can turn those into teaching moments after the fact and show him the impact and show him this is why I do what I do. This is why I protect you the way that I feel I'm protecting you and this is why my philosophy is what it is those conversations in the gaps, in the spaces where it's not me versus him and where he's maybe a little bit more receptive to seeing what I would see from the outside, looking in, um and like hearing me in a different way, because it's not directly attached to me being the thing that's blocking him from what he wants to do, by creating those spaces and those conversations to help him understand the bigger picture. He's more receptive than to when I do say no or when I say you can take a break or we need a week off to reset or whatever the case may be right, because he's seen it in action and he knows what it looks like from the outside when there's a kid who is falling into that pattern of addiction again. So we've actually had some really amazing, beautiful conversations and I feel and I hope in my heart that we have, by doing that, developed a deeper level of awareness there, right, for how he interacts with technology moving forward and how he perceives his own patterns with social media use or addictive patterns and things like that, and hopefully will give him a little bit more awareness to stop those patterns or to reclaim his power over those patterns if he does fall into something that he's not, that he's realizing isn't serving him in the future.

Speaker 1:

Right, and, as parents, like it is an inevitable that at some point your kid is not going to be, you know, under your control, so to speak, and they're going to grow up and they're going to move on and they're going to be out in the world as it is, with technology, with AI, with the internet, with all of these things. And so all that we can do as conscious parents is A our best, because this has been a long journey of trial and error of what works and what doesn't, but also a journey of hopefully laying the foundation, just like anything else in life. Right, it's like you want your kid to be as prepared as possible for the things that the world will throw at them, right, whether that is budgeting and money management, whether it is, you know, work ethic there's all of these things that we get to model and educate and impart on our kids. That hits differently when it comes from us right, compared to the unconscious conversations that tend to happen in other circles, especially in public schools, as well as just the world at large. Right, because unfortunately, conscious parenting is still the minority, at least here in Canada at this point in time, and so our kids need to get it from us like that is the one certainty in life. And so the more that we can open that dialogue and be that role model and walk with them and kind of mentor them through this journey, instead of just being the bad guy, instead of just saying no and not giving them the reasons or giving them the insights or, you know, explaining that side of things, that's really going to be what, what serves them in the future and for a long time to come. So, with that said, I think at the beginning I said that you would be surprised by the technology that my son does have. So I'll just quickly go through, because at the end of the day, it's not super significant to what what I'm talking about here in the grand scheme of like the concept, but in practicality, what I'm talking about here in the grand scheme of like the concept but in practicality, um, maybe there's somebody that just needs some validation on like what that looks like.

Speaker 1:

So at age nine, for Christmas we got our son a Kobo e-reader that hooks up to um our local library and he can borrow books and things like that, and that was his first piece of tech, actually, that. And he got an mp3 player for christmas that year. So we had pre-loaded music, um, so that one has no internet connectivity, no games, nothing, just a basic like 40 mp3 player off of amazon, um, and a kobo e-reader, because he was big on reading and we literally could not keep up with this kid's literary appetite. So those were the two first pieces of technology that he got a couple of Christmases ago. Then the following year he started to use the Xbox a little bit more, mostly with his dad and not online, but he was starting to be allowed to play certain games again, games that either his dad had played and and figured were okay for him, or ones that I had researched. Um, and you know, with limitations it would be a weekend only thing and you know, school nights it was. It was not a thing to to get to play video games.

Speaker 1:

Then on his 11th year he got a Chromebook for Christmas. Um, so this was this past Christmas he got a Chromebook which I was able to put a bunch of parental restrictions on and again, we have very limited use of that. And you know I got him into a few different things that he could do with that. So not only does he play some games and stuff on that, but he also does AI art and is starting to play with, like some of these different creative outlets. He's written stories on there, he keeps up his Duolingo streak from school on there and different things. So we try to really use that Chromebook as a tool to not only play games but to use for different purposes.

Speaker 1:

And then after Christmas he decided that he wanted to save his money to get a Nintendo Switch. And I thought for sure, you know, even buying a, a secondhand one, that it would take him a couple of years, or at the very least until next Christmas, to have the money to buy a Nintendo Switch. And then one of our neighbors and good friends actually was like well, you can clean up all the tools in my shop and sort them and put them away in toolboxes and stuff. I'll give you 100 bucks. So he ended up earning that quite a bit faster than I had anticipated. He also used my Poshmark account to sell some old video games and old clothes and different things like that and help him get closer to his goal.

Speaker 1:

So he ended up getting a Nintendo Switch a couple months ago at this point, that that he paid for with his own money and again, that is something that lives in our bedroom, that is, you know, monitored, and he gets to play when, when we say he can and um, you know we're very conscious of of the limitations and the behavior shifts and things like that um on that front. So that's what he's got right now. So he doesn't, he still doesn't have like a phone. Actually, he has a flip phone now too, because he started going to, you know, different youth events in town and I wanted to be able to get ahold of him during that. But it is like a flip phone that you can text and call on and that is it, um, and that lives in my drawer when he's not, when he's not doing his stuff, because he doesn't need to be, uh, you know, texting anybody other than that um, and then his chromebook, his e-reader, which I don't I don't restrict, uh, his e-reader and mp3 um, so those are kind of unlimited at this point, but, um, the anything that you can game on or access the internet on is really what I keep a closer eye on at this point in time. And as he develops more and more trust and as he shows responsible use with these things over time, then those restrictions will become less and less as he goes into his teenage years. So that's what works for us. That's what we have going on at the moment.

Speaker 1:

Is it perfect? Probably not. Is there a perfect way to balance both worlds conscious parenting and the digital age? I'm not really sure. But all I know is that, as mothers and as parents, we just need to trust our own gut and trust what we are seeing and receiving from our kids and not allow ourselves to cave to um doing it differently just because something's normalized in the world.

Speaker 1:

Right At the end of the day, you are their parent. You are the one that gets to make those decisions and that gets to guide and support your kids through their evolution in this first part of their life and really lay that groundwork so that they can become thriving humans into adulthood. So that's kind of where we're at, with things Subject to change. It's always trial and error and we're just doing what works best for us at any given time and that's all you can do as a parent. So hopefully there was some value here for some of you. If you are kind of in a similar position where you're navigating similar struggles, just know that you are not alone and you're not crazy for saying no or for having restrictions. It's a crazy time to be raising kids, and so I am right there in the trenches with you. I hope that you found some value and some help within this and I will catch you in the next episode. Bye for now.